Baseball: Is it fair? (aka: crap)

Ok, Duane, before you go after me on this one, COME ON PEOPLE!

After sitting at Fatburger with my wife enjoying some nice fat burgers, lo and behold, on their nice, shiny flat screen monitor are the Boston... Celtics? I don't know you know, oh yeah the red sox guys, 10-1? around the 4th inning vs charlie sheen's team. Does it ever occur to anyone how bloody boring it is to watch baseball? And they get paid so much money too! It is like modern-day revelation all over again.

Think of the umpires! Is it really that hard to tell if a ball lands on the other side of the line they so neatly mark from the home base to the outfield? And then I love how they talk about old men rowing boats between pitches. It's like they really have nothing better to talk about. Those poor, poor announcers.

Pica says "That's why there are always fights at baseball games. They're so bored they have to take their aggravation out on somebody. Which is weird because they have a bat but they always forget to bring it for a good broken arm or leg."

And then Pica and I see them post on the screen the player's favorite whatever it was. They actually have little facts about the players! Yeah, again, nothing better to talk about! And it's not like how many times they hit the ball or missed, but like their favorite colors and breakfast foods? Pica says "Player: Joe Robinson, Spends his spare time cuddling puppies and prefers scrambled eggs" Yeah! It's that ridiculous!

I'm sorry, I just never thought I would hate watching baseball this much.

Following the Money

Here's a fun map with 2008 donor info by candidate.

http://politics.nytimes.com/election-guide/2008/finances/index.html

Duane's Favorite New Show

The good people at NBC have given me two things: 1. free TV to watch while I eat my leftover meatloaf and reduced fat Oreos, and 2. "30 Rock" my new favorite TV show.

The title was previously a duel between "the Office" and "Antique Road Show." Any given night, any given winner. But in "30 Rock" I have a hands-down, no contest, without a doubt winner for what to watch in between the commercials of Jeopardy - which transcends being a TV show into being a part of me.

Have you guys seen it?

One of these things is not like the other...

Sorry, this was an old post I was preparing, but I guess it's outdated now. All these things are exactly alike.

For the misdemeanor outlaw, chased an' cheated by pursuit

UCLA sent me a post card with a link to their crime data for last year. I thought I'd compare it with BYU to see if my stereotypes are accurate. I was wrong about a few of them. Before you look at the numbers guess who had more sexual assaults, robberies, burglaries, aggravated assaults, and violations of liquor laws, drug laws, and weapons restrictions.








BYU (Provo), UCLA

Forcible Sexual Assaults 0, 19
Robberies 0, 9
Burglaries 32, 179
Aggravated Assaults 1, 20
Liquor Law 4, 1028
Drug Law 3, 166
Weapon Law 0, 10

Statistical disclosures. These reports are based on crimes reported to campus police. Also, I'm comparing 2005 BYU with 2006 UCLA because it's the best data I have. Comparing UCLA 2005 with BYU 2005 gives similar results.
http://www.ucpd.ucla.edu/2006CleryStatsOnly.pdf
http://police.byu.edu/images/stories/police/files/2006-BYUProvoCompositeCSR.pdf

A word about motivational speakers

Are you tired of the same routine every day? Do you find yourself looking at others and wishing you were like them? Can your nail clippers fillet sword fish?!? Have you been reading those silly motivational newsletters once again, about the endless routines, fish, and sports illustrated chicks?

You are NOT ALONE!

Studies find that the more you ask ridiculous questions that everyone HAVE to answer YES to, you are a motivational speaker! That's right! Say YES right now! DO IT YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!

If you buy this program today (and come on, you must be asking what I am talking about, right? ) you will receive a FREE - NO OBLIGATION pamphlet that teaches you how YOU can be a MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER TODAY! You must still be reading this, right?

Oatmeal worries

Though less news-oriented than my other posts, I have to say I'm pretty concerned. Every morning I have a cup of Quaker oatmeal. I mix it into my cup, seal it, then shake it to mix it up. When I reopen the cup it hisses like a can of soda. What type of gases could Quaker's oatmeal be brewing and should I see a doctor? Any advice?

Sigh

So, for the first time ever, most of the Major League Baseball playoffs will not be on network TV. TBS, owned by the same guy who owns the Atlanta Braves, will be the only coverage for the National League until the World Series. This means I will only be able to see a Diamondbacks game if they go all the way. Enoch will be disappointed.